No Chance Of Escape

Revolution In The Head And The Art Of Protest

2010-12-31T19:49:00.001+02:00

Videotape (Scotch Mist Version)

2010-12-20T12:29:00.000+02:00

Special K...sur le fil

2010-12-18T15:30:00.006+02:00

Collapsed in his big armchair facing the window with his daily dose sliding on his lower lip he smiles sour gazing into his emptiness:

“My heart feels like a dense core desperately wanting to expand and rip my chest open with the burst of a supernova , the massive gravity force pushes inwards on my chest crushing my core to the point of implosion…I can’t breathe.
I’m collapsing into a super black hole that greedy sucks all the light leaving me voided of all mater…
All our colors fade into our abyssal nothingness…”

Tries to lift himself closer to the window grasping for more air but his body is pinned in the large chair, his soul scattered in tiny grains of sand start to melt and the glass glows into a dark red hue…he catches his reflection with the corner of his left eye unable to move his paralyzed body:

“What is that…is that me? Have I always carried so much darkness?
Why does it look upon me mocking me with dreams of what I could never have?
You had so many colors…so many rainbows chasing the corner of your dreaming smile…what happened?
Why is this darkness crushing me…renders me incapable of flying the rainbows on your lips…what have u done to me?
You were my mild yellow of each morning, the silent green of the afternoons, the passionate red of each night, you were my deep ocean of purple in which I would swim at the start of every single dream I had, resting my head on your bright orange heart….
I miss your colors…I miss your sun…all that’s left is darkness…in me…in you…in us…”

He closes his eyes for the last time as the last ray of light gets sucked into the silent pitch black:

“All I ever wanted…was your life…”

Fitter, Happier (2)

2010-11-02T20:59:00.004+02:00

So much has changed…so much its still the same…I lost all and all is lost…I gained solace next to my solitude .

Riding monochromatic rainbows I smile reminiscing my sweet illusions and get tangled again in my make-believe…so many dreams woven into hopes turned nightmares, so many nightmares turned into black swans songs.

Trapped under big colors I’m trying to find a corner to this circle…

Kinetic...

2010-02-05T22:49:00.000+02:00

9

2009-08-04T18:40:00.003+03:00

Special K...

2009-06-25T18:35:00.002+03:00

Your vanilla ice cream flavored smile makes me breathe your air while trapped like a dream between your eye lashes I see more and more into your strawberry flavored fragile soul…
You enclosed me in your smile and dosed me with your pirouettes as u dance around me spinning me round and round till I collapse on my chair and surrender once more to the sweet light coma I gather like a nectar from your lower lip…
I feel you running trough my veins capturing each cell of blood making me more and more addicted, leaving me shaking, my trembling fingers follow the shape of your body like an imaginary brush on a canvas spread on my heart and paints your bright colors, rainbows, thunder storms and rivers…I trap your skin with small kisses while your flavors explode on my lips, your milky soft skin tastes like cookies and marshmallows…orange and purple butterflies are dancing in your hair as you look back at me and smiling say…
“all I ever wanted was your life” …

Shrooms...

2009-05-16T14:01:00.004+03:00

Roads...

2009-04-28T22:41:00.000+03:00

Pretending...

2009-03-12T22:01:00.001+02:00

Innocent games keep dancing on your lower lip…you take me by the hand and draw me from the shadows I used to watch you from…
In the air with each turn I can feel the vanilla scent you leave behind…with your tiny arms you pull me to your chest, I feel so small there, so numb…so safe, I pull out and kiss u on the forehead while my heart trembles thinking of your lower lip…I smile…once again I’m too much of a coward…
So many years have passed…still your games seduce me every time…in a loop I keep building an alternate reality around your smiles, your hugs, I take refuge in my own make-believe…every time you dance around it…

Right click, refresh…I head back, its 4 AM but the cold wind and tiny drops of rain can’t stop me from smiling…its all in my head…cause in the end…you keep pretending that your serious…I keep pretending that I’m joking…

Mighty Micro People...

2009-02-14T18:08:00.004+02:00

Small steps…retrace the contour of your shallow presence; his mixed feelings are now cured into the point of not feeling at all, no regrets, no remorse, for the first time he’s in control over his life, accepting the consequences.
Long ago…there were times he use to trip on his own words…got tangled in his own feelings and often slipped unconscientiously on that purple ant that roamed his monochromatic world, she silently tip toe out of his memory…she left only a weird sensation of déjà vu each time his grip of reality weakens…and for a moment loses his sense of orientation, he blames it on the inner ear…

But the effect of pills wears out sooner or later…his fake smile disappears with them…
Like a scratched vinyl he keeps jumping back to her, over and over again…he never felt more powerless, more out of control, more meaningless…he is scared and confused…soon he’ll choke and black out again…

“Someday it will rain on your wings” she said…and it rained, it poured gallons of screams transformed in tiny drops of salty water…he’s wings are heavy now, can no longer fly, his hopes and dreams are grounded…he’s left only with a whispering scream to swallow until the next prescription is ready… “It’s ok…it’s gonna be ok, I’m in control, just breath” he keeps repeating…rolls up a joint and logs in to his mmorpg…the THC and alter life kicks in, for 14 hours he will be safe there, he can always use stealth and disappear, or get on his leopard and ride away…he’s HIGH AND MIGHTY!

Painting: Luke Chueh-Hollow

X...

2008-12-18T18:44:00.003+02:00

Shades of grey build shapes, draw lines, draw corners, skip divided, take the ceiling and fold it in an airplane, climb a board, take a trip into the skies you just opened above you…
A coma…light please, beware of killer ants, highly organized disorder…once again the void fills his abyssal depths, butterflies have no stomachs to fly in, they bleached their colors and began a reverse metamorphosis back into caterpillars…slowly crawling away…
Highly logical theories about nonsense, psychology…B.P.D....underneath, her face takes tens of shapes and forms, masks of other people he’s struggling to calm himself with…lies, lies, lies…autosuggestion…underneath his feelings need guidance, a logical cage raises around them, “I am X, if X is the sum of …then X is?...”
So dark and marshy the road to introspection leads, he’s four shadows become his stalker, he’s in the spot light now, analyzing and being analyzed over and over again… “How about a prescription for some happy pills?” …he smiles sour, that’s a cruel irony…

No signs to marks her roads…tens of faces, tens of masks covering just one he tries to forget but haunts his dreams… “I lost my way…I miss your colors…”

Joy Comes In The Morning...

2008-12-07T11:04:00.002+02:00

Producer/Director: Scott Friedman

Writers: Friedman, Joe Ledbetter

Characters and Design: Joe Ledbetter

Animation: Scott Friedman

Joe Ledbetter's bunny daydreams of heroic adventures.

Handpainted Animation with a score by Xploding Plastix.

Catch you on the flipside...

2008-11-26T18:56:00.002+02:00

Since your razorblade salvation trees turned violet while your footsteps still carry the weight of your feelings, deep marks scar the ground you once walked while trying to touch with your index finger the horizon that stretched in front of you like the only hope for the silence you craved so much…blocked between tic tack toes scribbled walls you were suffocating in your own carbon monoxide, breathing yourself to death…

Steady but sure, in slow motion, like never-ending reruns of crappy TV shows, your life flashes before your eyes, as you lay abandoned on your small couch, with your cigarette slipping from the left corner of your lips, you raise your hand pointing to the switch:
“Hey, dim the lights, get some popcorn, get some coke, enjoy the show…
I’m standing in front of you as I am for the first time, defenseless, with no means of hiding that which I so desperately try to do otherwise …the shadow of your shadow…”

Your full red lips are slowly turning white while that small tear stop rolling, frozen by the AC you set too low as usual…you smile at me as I’m bandaging your wrist and lifeless say:
“You know, you’re living…but you’ve got no soul…”
You leaned towards me whispering: “Here, this will make you love again…” and slipped a little piece of paper in my back pocket…

Sign 12...

2008-11-18T19:16:00.003+02:00

Little by little she became a word,

bundles of soul on the wind,

a dolphin in the clutches of my eyebrows,

a stone provoking rings in water,

a star inside my knee,

a sky inside my shoulder,

an Ego inside my Ego…

(Nichita Stanescu)

Colorblind...

2008-11-14T19:17:00.003+02:00

I Will...

2008-11-06T18:27:00.003+02:00

I will
lay me down
in a bunker
underground

I won't let this happen to my children
meet the real world coming out of your shell
With white elephants
sitting ducks
I will
rise up

Little babies' eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
Little babies' eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
Little babies' eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
Little babies' eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes ...
(Radiohead)

Nursery Rhymes…

2008-11-02T21:11:00.002+02:00

Paper clips…holding together broken nightmares of beautiful dreams, unsung lullabies…memories of forgotten dreamlands…portraits without faces…empty contours in a child’s coloring book, chutes and ladders, new beginnings of interrupted continuous roads…lost traces of running footsteps revealed with the snow melt, the tick layer of ice holding captive in time, frozen feelings of a summer affair…regrets, scenarios never put into play…feelings of wishing different that was acted upon…innocently diving into big full lips smiles, careless, child’s play…hand holding spinning round and round and round laughing brightly as we fall…

Ring-a-ring-a-roses,
A pocket full of hopes;
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down…

Bruised knee caps, elbow scars…climbing trees…mountains…dreams…hanging by the fingernails…full hopes hold together by the glue between the cracks…who will save your soul? Who will save you from me, me from myself and myself from you?...Eternal suns turn supernova…

One, two, buckle my shoe
Three, four, shut the door
Five, six, don’t play tricks
Seven, eight, lay them straight
Nine, ten, never dream again
Eleven, twelve, dig and delve
Thirteen, fourteen, there’s no one in…

Counting backwards…WE HOPE YOUR RULES AND WISDOM CHOKE YOU!

“With a knick-knack, paddy whack,
Give a dog a bone;
This old man came rolling home.”

Comfortably Numb…

2008-10-08T16:45:00.004+03:00

So…almost a year passed since I decided to make from this blog a canvas of frustrations and unspoken feelings…wrapped in pretty metaphors or meaningless word plays those lines helped me or so I thought…I also thought I was writing and rambling for myself…”why do you make it public then?” a lost friend once told me…because I wanted them (the subjects of my emotions) to read the lines…to make myself understood…like a redundant shy exhibitionist I wanted to show all but not coherent enough to do it the normal way, by dialog… and choose to hide…
In this pathetic process I managed to hurt people…bad…some forgave me and came back…some are gone forever…and this is why this will be my last post…I managed to kill a person who didn’t used words of comfort to give me peace…just a smile or a rough straight answer…nothing sugar coated and it was enough, just her presence tranquillized me…
I don’t remember where in the process of fighting monsters I’ve became one…when I’ve became malevolent…but it happened…and I offended…disappointed…hurt a real dear friend…which I did love, still do…but my egocentric nature was caring only about the emotions this friend provoked…trying to analyze them over and over until round shapes turned square, straight lines turn curves, until finger drawn whirls turn to vertigos to parallel universes to abyssal skies…until black was white, until the rainbow was grey…and I liked that, and she became my muse…but now I killed her…I have nothing to write about…there’s nothing there…it’s a comfortable void…routine…numbness…you were like a jigsaw I used to break apart and rearrange as I pleased…always adding pieces…always take some out…and so failing to get the right picture and truly see the real you…
You were my door which I used to slip in and out of reality trough…somewhere in the process I failed to return…and lost you in my fantasy land…
So…there’s no point in saying more, this is my good bye sweet Happy Pill, I wish I could’ve done things different, I’m sorry…

Thanks for watching folks, the show has been canceled!

This is for…

2008-09-21T12:37:00.002+03:00

The things I’ve lost and gain back, for the things I’ve lost and never will gain back, for lovers ex friends, for ex friends lovers…for the heads that rested on chests during movies, for the arms that grabbed shoulders during disappointments, for the tears that washed chicks and lips that kissed those tears…for your honeymoon in Paris, for the smiles you brought me…for the frowns I gave in return…this is for friends I was unfriendly with…for lovers I was not in love with, for effervescent speaking, for intense feeling, for hand holding, for vanilla scents and baby milk breaths…this is for my doors out of reality you often let yourself be…for the promises I’ve broken and never should’ve, for the promises I should’ve broken and never did…for regrets we share and for regrets we keep buried inside ourselves…for all those fake smiles with sad eyes, for all those cold short hugs…for your coffee milk skin, for your pale white skin, for your dark hair, for your blond hair…for all the faces I used to hold in my palm while being mesmerized by every single curve that painted the universe I was holding…for all the foreheads I’ve kissed…this is for you…feelings I’ve lost and gain back…feelings I’ve lost and never will gain back…

Comptine d'un autre été: L'après-midi

2008-08-27T11:12:00.000+03:00

Have You?...

2008-08-19T14:44:00.002+03:00

Have you seen that black hole last night? How it has engulfed that tiny ray of warm moist breath that you let escape from the left corner or your lips I used to kiss and you used to lie with?...

How about that crooked rainbow in just a few colors none of which alive enough to capture and reflect rays of life and enlighten that path on which you confident had walk to our dead end?...

Have you seen that centenary oak that stood so tall and proud at the crossroads of me walking towards God and you returning from Him? The way he bent to protect you…from me?

How about that black eyed angel that used to seat on my shoulder? The way scared he used to jump next to your ear and whisper away all of my thoughts to you?

Have you seen that purple river cascading tones of whispered screams into my soul as you nearly drowned at my shore? The way you unwillingly let loose that Aurora Borealis when you burst into that mad laugh…

Have you seen…ME?!

Undressing naked people…

2008-08-15T19:43:00.003+03:00

……………………………………………………
“Yes, to be honest I really want you to leave me alone…
You’ve changed…
I don’t like who you’ve become…
It’s only you that matters, you and your feelings, that’s it!
You have no idea what’s a friendship all about
If you’d known you would’ve acted differently …
I really believed that you were a very, very, very close friend, even with your recent phases…
And you disappointed me…
It`s not pretty pleasant to see your friends forget about you,
What could’ve stopped you?
Was so hard to send me a message?
At least you would’ve shown me you care
But maybe you don’t…
Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore….”

Seems like “endings” are my middle name…and yes, she’s right, because underneath it all I’m just an empty vessel craving for a big bang to fill me up…for all of you that tried to figure me out all of this time…stop trying to undress a naked person, there’s nothing more than meets the eye…I’m without substance…just your ordinary egocentric Doe…

The Last Unicorn...

2008-08-15T14:01:00.004+03:00

I hope you like it...it`ll be yours first chance I`ve got, 10x.

J`y suis jamais alle…

2008-08-07T14:56:00.002+03:00

Scattered happy pills laying down the floor of his battered soul…silver tongues race up and down the corridors of his mind…cold and pointless snide remarks roll down the tip of her razorblade tongue…silence…tic-tac…tic-tac…the times go by meaningless and empty…where does the heaven take its light from anymore?...
Pseudo feelings wrapped in a small dark-blue cardboard box …a small white-silver ribbon that holds closed your secret…no one can know, no one will ever know…breathing each others lies.
Strange…he never understood her, maybe he tried too much…“What’s inside you?...Can I take a look? Where is that light coming from?”
It’s so white and bright, maybe that’s way he’s getting blind, he gazed too much upon her light and now it’s turning dark…cold black!
She was like a revolving door that let’s you in and out…but never open…he was a tree that grows hearts, one for each that she took, she was the intruder hand, he`s…the branch that she breaks…
“I'm a whisper in water
Secret for you to hear
You are the one who grows distant
When I beckon you near”
Tired of asking unanswered questions, he laid back on the floor and glared empty at his ceiling melting in bright orange hues like a Dali painting…he smiles, let’s his hand slide gently on a side and release his clenched fistful of happy pills…in that madness of bright orange he realizes that after all, she was just an illusion, he was never THERE… he let’s go for the first time, the hanging roof clears and sees the road back home…ERAOD ET TLUM ED TAC UITS UE RAOD…marked roads are often misleading.

But the years gone by, he’s safe now, he has a wife and two beautiful kids and they all live in a giant red mushroom…THE END!

The Final Waltz...

2008-07-17T11:34:00.001+03:00

The Unwords...

2008-07-12T11:18:00.013+03:00

..........

X: “It’s not you…it’s me, I’m a jackass…”

Y: “If you were a jackass you wouldn’t step foot in this house, what have I done?”

X: “It’s not that, it’s just…you know how is like to dream of something to happen for so long and now...”

Y: “Heeeeeey!!!”…she said, stopping him from babbling any further, and he stopped…he swallowed his words and tried to clear his mind…

In his head remained unsaid the unwords:
“…and now that is happening I can’t help but thinking that you’re fucking me good-bye…I’m sure you’ll disappear after this…”

And he was right, the little boy that use to feel not think was now covered in regrets…
“I was friends with her…I don’t think she was ever friends with me…” thought the little boy as he felt emptier then ever…but his regrets were not towards that night, or the past seven months in which he really stood as he was and felt secure in his vulnerable position as he knocked down every wall that incased him just to make her feel the same tranquility, to feel she’s not alone.
What he regretted was the fact that for the first time he didn’t listen to that little voice in his head that told him the outcome…that told him not to fight…"your problem is that you’re to pushy" now sounded in his head like a jackhammer…and stunned him each time it rolled in his mind, for you see, he never saw it like that, he never thought that he was pushing for something, he did what he normally does with his friends, never let’s them to go down, not without a fight…
“The little voice was right” he said…and hes regrets were that a friendship that started so “full” has ended so “empty”…and in the end all he thought and felt was now lying mixed and shattered in his soul…in his mind.
More confused then ever, like a pupil discarded to his bench stunned by the low grade he got he didn’t now were to sit, where his bench was…friends, lovers…none?
He sat down in the middle of the room that day…thinking that once he got up he must make a choice, he must quit or keep fighting…he smiled sour "your problem is that you’re to pushy" popped in his head again…
And like saying good-bye to his ghosts, he got up and took the shower he avoided all that afternoon just to feel her smell for one more day, like always trying to prolong that which had to end long time ago…and he washed away all of his will…all of his questions but one…
“Please…tell me, WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT STUPID MAN SUIT?!”

Pooh Bear...

2008-07-05T11:21:00.000+03:00

Ashes...

2008-06-30T15:53:00.009+03:00

It’s too hot…too god damn HOT, I can’t even think straight…it’s not like I ever did in ordinary circumstances, gibberish…dull blue lights cast upon your face as the sun shatters to pieces in a surreal SUPERNOVA…melting away this part of the universe…your universe, my UNIVERSE…our universe…I was to much of a coward…I hate regrets…I hate myself, I hate you…I hate us…this is not like it suppose to be, this is not me…not now, not then…not ever had the SKY looked so green…it’s raining ATOMIC bombs and I’m under the table ducking…it’ll pass, I’ll be fine…I saw it in a training movie…duck and cover…I’ll be fine…I’ll be fine…look over the burning ground!
Start running and bang your head to every wall that’s in your way, DO IT with the biggest goddamn stupidest SMILE ever, you’ll feel great…you’ll feel FREE!!!...
It’s too damn hot!!!
Have you seen that purple ant flashing you the finger at a crossroads in your cerebral cortex?...
When was the last time you had dreams about banging a clown? TEAR AWAY THE MASK!
I want out of here…out of my reality, your reality…our REALITY…let’s make our own, what do you say? LET`S HIDE! You in me…and me in you…like the priest that fucked you as he whispered HOLY things!!!
IT`S TOO HOT! I feel so tired and this huge headache won’t go away…and this goddamn yellow mosquito just started singing a Chopin Mazurka at my ear…goddamn it…it too fuckiiiiiing LOUD!!!
Too much to think about less time to feel…let’s HOLD HANDS and set this fucker off!
I see you coming at my door stripped to the soul…wipe that stupid grin off…do I look like the court Buffon, do you think I’m here for your amusement?
One by one they seem to go away: D., O., R.…and what’s left behind is nothing but a crushing silence…no more elephants trampling on your soul…just nothing…a big fat NOTHING with lots of ketchup and no onions, and make it to go, please!
An orange battered fly stapled on my sealing…SCREAMS…no more in and outs…nose bleed…numbness in the left arm, heart attack…the NOOSE hangs heavy around your neck! YOUR EXISTANCE IS A CRIME!

I guess you keep forgetting that we’re living on a spec of dust on which our whole universe fits!

KILL YOURSELF! ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT!

Malfunction…unable to process data…shutting down…saving your settings_______________

The Line Begins To Blur...

2008-06-16T13:52:00.004+03:00

"Nostalgia infinitului, fiind prea vaga, ia forma si contur in dorul de moarte. Cautam precizie pana si in lancezeala visatoare sau sfarseala poetica. Moartea introduce acum o noua ordine in infinit. Nu este ea singura lui directie?" (Cioran)

Knives Out…

2008-06-13T11:04:00.008+03:00

What if what we call “real” is in fact the biggest dream from which we can’t wake up and…a universal numbness of the human mind and soul from which we only get allowed to escape rarely and just for a brief moment…

Have you ever regretted so many years a dream from which you woke to suddenly and afterwards waited each and every night preparing yourself as the sun goes down and the first moon ray appear to close your eyes and HOPE so badly that you’ll find yourself transported back in that DREAM…in that moment…when you could’ve said “I LOVE YOU” with the force of the BIG BANG?!
You were too much of a coward then…you were afraid that the whole universe will come crushing down on you, you were afraid of losing that which you never had from the start, you were afraid of the billion colors your heart had to assimilate in all those violet nights with orange sunsets…you were afraid that a super sized mantis will bite your head off after that first night of passion…you were afraid of challenging G.O.D.…
And now, awake, you stay frozen, incapable of feeling anything you’re screaming “I LOOVE YOOU!!!” over and over again…but it` s too late now…your words just hit brick walls and come bouncing back like an echo that defines your void…there’s no sky opening for your feelings, no more blue rain on the yellow ground to mix it in that beautiful green again…no leaf shaking in the force of your silent scream…you’re non existent…you don’t exist in the world…THE WORLD EXISTS IN YOU!…

Your regrets surpass in intensity any sensation and torment of a guilty conscience…you feel bad because you didn’t find the courage to do “the wrong thing”!...

THOUGHTS KILL FEELINGS… ( “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Hamlet )

“So knives out
Catch the mouse
Squash his head
Put him in the pot…”

Last Breath Mist...

2008-06-06T14:03:00.009+03:00

A bundle of soul…mixed feelings circling around like birds of prey…constantly picking pieces of my flesh…like a Prometheus in chains I’m trapped with No Chance Of Escape…
Multiple directions erase my one way streets, so clear the path in front of me once was…now lies in ruins under my feet, under ruble of emotions, broken dreams and states of mind...

Friends remain friends… friends become lovers…lovers become friends…others seize to exist and disappear…from the other end of my question, from the end of my sentence…pack their emotional bags, if they have them, and move abroad…no turning back, just a silent wobbly walk to the dark side of the moon…they’re the ones that never come back and remain unseen…and in time you even forget that they once existed…that you shared dreams…ideas…feelings…they are the masters of the disappearing act!
Some friends are running from you in their insane run from themselves…and their run is the hardest for you to endure…you`re incapable to help them out in any way…you feel useless and once again the human selfish nature taunts you… only if they could open the gates and let you in…your knocking and knocking…but no one’s answering…
Their run is the fastest…and once started cannot be stopped…they disappear suddenly without packing, without saying good bye, without regrets…they run until the edge of the universe shows in the horizon only to find at the end of it that which they were running off from - themselves!

I’m giving up…I’m tired of all this fighting…of all this waiting…of all this chasing…I have no patience left…you veil of mist is chocking me to death…this was my last breath…old friend…

Videotape...

2008-06-03T09:31:00.005+03:00

When I'm at the pearly gates
This will be on my videotape, my videotape
Mephistopheles is just beneath
and he's reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days
and i have it all here
In red, blue, green
Red, blue, green

You are my center
When i spin away
Out of control on videotape
On videotape
This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can't do it face to face
I'm talking to you after it`s too late

No matter what happens now
You shouldn't be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day I've ever seen.

When 2+2 equals 5…

2008-05-28T10:40:00.005+03:00

No more walks in the park, no sitting` on that crocked bench beneath the ill yellow stars, no more Your pointing finger will unite that imaginary line between them to create a surrealist pattern …not so much paranoia…not so much anxieties…
So, how are You lately…still Giving Only Dreams? I miss our walks and long talks about the six legged ants and the purple rain…miss holding You by the hand as we step into the void…miss Your big ass TV screen on which you used to show me flashes of my parallel lives…
It` been so long since You paralyzed my dreams into that sweet tranquility…so long since Your sarcastic smile gave me a glance into the absolute!
How is it? I guess it’s hard to be a G.O.D…hence the time although infinite and meaningless for You its still not enough! You create one universe which once created takes on free will and it’s no longer under Your transcendental influence...but You forget to plant one seed, You forget just one ingredient and the whole thing runs amok…every action has an opposite and equal reaction, your whole universe just turns on You! Now that you can’t fixed it You go and make another one…and another…and another… I can’t imagine how the fuck aren’t You depressed dudette…to have eternity at Your disposal and fail so miserably…each time, but You’re more stubborn than all of Your creations combined and You keep moving, keep trying…keep dreaming!
Hmmm…do You dream? I’m sure You do…no entity that could tweak us so close to mathematical perfection isn’t foolish enough to give us something it has no idea about…and taste its illusions of happiness until a self induced light coma...
What are Your dreams about, do Your dreams become realities? Because if they do You have some pretty fucked up dreams…just take a look! But I don’t think they do…it’ll be too easy for You…sometimes I wonder who’s the lucky one between the two of us!
So, dudette, I miss you, come and visit!

Wait!!! You did came to visit, I just got a DOG yesterday, go ahead and spell it backwards…GOD!!!

(When you speak with GOD it’s called religion or faith…when GOD talks back its called schizophrenia!)

In Nomeni Mater, Et Fili, Spiritus Sancti.

Straw Dogs To Scare The Scarecrows...

2008-05-19T19:14:00.005+03:00

Your empty walls come crushing down as you are left alone looking trough the red stained window…with your distorted view you can see perfection…looking away, ignorance is bliss…when they feed us with their lies…they starve our conscience and maim our souls…and you’re just looking away…your face has no expression, no feeling lurks inside to alter that pretty face as you walk proud like bulls on parade…
Promises wrapped in tin foil sheets spread like diseases and poison our dreams…
You believed in all your lies, didn’t you?

Just straw dogs to scare the scarecrows....

Calm Like A Bomb!

2008-05-12T14:55:00.004+03:00

"Mi s-a facut inima ca ceara si se topeste inlauntrul meu."

(Psalm XXII)

Life In A Glasshouse …

2008-05-09T18:49:00.001+03:00

“Once again I’m in trouble with my old friend, she is papering the window panes and she’s putting on a smile…living in a glasshouse…”

There is no other pill to take…

One Bullet Fits All!

2008-05-06T14:34:00.008+03:00

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?!!!
SHE DOES…she’ll start painting a gigantic mural of words for your visual satisfaction, and she’ll make you understand with each stroke of the brush the meaning behind it…her sense…her universe…her being!
In fact she’s just an elephant that gracefully tip toes around me…and slips on little white lies…just a skinny love spasm…and I’m relieved beyond repair…
Her words have no meaning…her painting has no color…she only speaks of colors and for a minute there your brain reacts to that and puts the right shades and hues next to the word…once again she fooled you…once again you find meaning in empty space, once again you filled the void!
Once again she has a contour she has a face, a role, a point…once again she has a definition, once again she’s a whole, not a concept, not an idea…or is she?
But what if, when you wake up one morning the face reflected in the mirror gives you the scare of your lifetime?
Your sense of self awareness just shatters to pieces…your whole outer body is constructed on surgically precise lies…little white lies…and in the morning, before you have the chance to say a word, before you have the chance to paint in black and white your fake bright colors, your true face stares back at you reflected by the mirror…THAT`S THE REAL YOU!...
People without shadows, shadows without people…you always shadowplaying…me always shadow boxing…DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!!!
(Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight…)

Painting LUKE CHUEH - Shadowplay

Eye For An Eye...

2008-04-15T11:54:00.003+03:00

Even now in heaven there were angels carrying savage weapons

Does our ruin benefit the earth?
Does it help the grass to grow and the sun to shine?
Is this darkness in you too?
Have you passed through this night?

Where you're going you're not coming back from

This great evil
Where's it come from?
How'd it steal into the world?
Who's doing this?
Who's killing us?
Mocking us with the sight of what we might have known?

Are you righteous?
Kind?

Does your confidence lie in this?
Are you loved by all?
Do you imagine your sufferings will be less
Because you loved goodness? Truth?

Blackest black…in colors

2008-04-07T10:41:00.002+03:00

In black and white I crawl a silent thought in a monochromatic world… forcing myself to sleep, waiting rapid eye movement so I can dream in colors…so that once more I could see your bright red lipstick shaping your smile…this is a hallucination, and this faces are in a dream…a computer generated environment, you can do anything you want…and not have to face the consequences…I rest my head on your chest to eardrop at your singing tears…your life long uncries start flowing in a spring of purple...
Your lips pressed against my temple whispering screams of strawberry shapes…your hand distorting the air its moving trough creating waves of color as if u were painting a rainbow with your pointing finger…I’m standing nailed down in your big armchair and keep staring at you lifting up in the air and start floating inches from the ground… your silky white dress fluidly following your body’s contour…as I stand before you lying in your purple ocean of tears…your long black hair dances around me, in a velvet touch a few hair strains strangle me by the neck forcing me to open my mouth for air…just enough for you to lean forward and kiss away the void out of me and fill me with your billion candy colors…silence…everything stopped spinning…
Your hair lets grip of my neck as you slightly back off to see my reaction…you smile surrounded by bright orange hues: “We’re trapped in each other’s dream…what now?”

For past away dreams and the birth of new ones…

The pot will call the kettle black...

2008-03-31T17:08:00.003+03:00

Vidul confesiunii...

2008-03-19T10:29:00.001+02:00

“Fiece cuvant ce l-ai spus parca a devenit noroi si se ascunde undeva pe fondul izolarii tale, ca sa te murdareasca in fata ta. Vorbele se transforma in otrava si dupa ce te-ai spovedit ceasuri si ceasuri, te ameteste vidul oamenilor si-al tau. Tot ce nu e singur putrezeste si niciodata n-am fost singur pana la inmugurire. [„As vrea uneori sa fiu atat de singur incat mortii enervati de zarva si mahalaua cimitirului mi-ar cere rugator ospitalitatea inimii...”]
Dupa orice conversatie, esti mai parasit ca in mormant. Ti-ai usurat spiritul si ti-a putrezit inima. Vorbele au zburat in vant si cu ele substanta izolarii tale...”

„Nu exista boala de care nu ne-ar vindeca o lacrima ce-ar incepe sa cante...”

(fragment din „Amurgul Gandurilor”, E.Cioran)

Poem

2008-03-17T09:23:00.002+02:00

Spune-mi, dacă te-aş prinde-ntr-o zi
şi ţi-aş săruta talpa piciorului,
nu-i aşa că ai şchiopăta puţin, după aceea,
de teamă să nu-mi striveşti sărutul?...

N.Stanescu

Cirese :P

Climbing Up The Walls...

2008-03-12T22:41:00.011+02:00

I am the key to the lock in your house
That keeps your toys in the basement
And if you get too far inside
You'll only see my reflection
I am the face whom she sleeps tonight
I am the pick in the ice
Do not cry out or hit the alarm
You know we're friends till we die

And either way you turn
I'll be there
Open up your skull
I'll be there
Climbing up the walls

It's always best when the light is off
It's always better on the outside
Fifteen blows to the back of your head
Fifteen blows to your mind
So lock the kids up safe tonight
Put the eyes in the cupboard
I've got the smell of a local man
Who's got the loneliest feeling

That either way he turns
I'll be there
Open up your skull
I'll be there
Climbing up the walls
Climbing up the walls ...

The Hummingbird (and...you are?)

2008-03-09T12:44:00.005+02:00

Laid back on the couch in an awkward position I gaze at her as she sleeps in front of me…as the room revolves she becomes my constant…my fix point and I can’t help but analyze her… “Where am I?”…

It’s almost morning and the shades are slightly shut, just enough for the first sun rays to squeeze in…quickly they contour her body allowing me to guess its form…reflected from her skin the light cast dull shades on the sheet she’s laying mingled in…and now I can see more clearly how peaceful she sleeps…I can’t see her face, I try to move towards her but my body keeps my nailed down… “Why can’t I move? I want to go closer”…
I want to rest my head next to hers and listen to her dreams…I can hear her dreams gently whispering something to me…I can’t manage to focus on their meaning…they sound like a thousand voices speaking in the same time.

Green stain shades with red hues pop in and out in front of me like little sparks…a velvet gloved hand pulls me by the shoulder and lifts me up...with shaky feet I move forward, my head leaned in the direction of her dreams…a small hummingbird is reciting poems in my ear: “Tell me, if I caught you one day and kissed the sole of your foot, wouldn't you limp a little then, afraid to crush my kiss?”...
“Shhh!” I say…”I want to hear what her dreams are whispering to me…shhh”…and like you try to get rid of a fly I push away the hummingbird…
I’m trying so hard to get closer but I’m already tired…I can see her so close but the more I move towards her the more she disappears…and the sound, the whispers…they are fading! I stop, hold my breath and try to concentrate on them once more …I take a step back…they are clearer now…they sound like a swarm of bees flying out of their hive.
The room spins and I feel so tired…my feet are so heavy…I sit down in the middle of the room… and I watch her sleep. As she exhales I can see that she’s like the source of a rainbow…multiple colors cascade from her body…from beneath her skin, from her nose and mouth and lift up to the sealing forming an aurora borealis…I let my head slide back and gaze at the hypnotic colors that look like a stormy sky…but with the colors of an expressionist painter…so fluid and proud they seem to mock me…
As I raise my hand to touch the sealing the hummingbird lands on my pointing finger: “Little by little she became a word, bundles of soul on the wind, a dolphin in the clutches of my eyebrows, a stone provoking rings in water, a star inside my knee,a sky inside my shoulder, and I…inside I” ...said the hummingbird as he looked to the colored sky. Then franticly flapping its wings raised his peak to the brightest purple and dived in…The whispers stopped…the colors disappeared, the sealing turned back concrete grey…

She’s waking up…“What time is it? What are you doing over there? You do realize that you’re naked in the middle of the room pointing at the sealing, right? I told you not to smoke the whole weed…its really strong, hah, hah, hah!…”
“Come to bed” she says as she pulls the corner of the flowered sheet…I start laughing and lay down next to her, she turns her back at me and push herself into my arms, she yawns…“What a night, huh?”…
I smile and whisper to her ear “Hi, my name is X. and…you are?”…

Trapped (smile shaped handcuffs)…

2008-03-06T12:31:00.004+02:00

Unable to process data…speaking in riddles I’ve yet to understand you…maybe if I’ll come closer…closer to your lips I’ll be able make sense of the soft sound waves that tingles my left ear…as I lean towards to steal your worm breaths I inhale your sweet vanilla scent and I’m back in your universe looping and spiraling up and down bombarded by serotonin…ephedrine and other happy hormones my scattered brain is struggling to mass produce…I wonder if at one point my brain will simply cease…overloaded by electric impulses which trigger my retarded smile as I stare at you… drown me in you!
I always seem to get trapped in that big smile of yours (you’re even more beautiful when you frown, maybe that’s why I love to piss you off!)…with no control I let myself slide on this slippery slope…will you be down there to catch me…to slow me down? Pull me up in your crush…
I love the way you always reassure me with small words…the way you embed big feelings in short phrases…just enough to understand that I’m as much in your mind as you are in mine…
Are you scared, are you confused, are you happy, are you dreaming?
Had you ever wished for a freeze button and try so hard to mentally use it? All things around us will come to a stop, time will cease to matter…just us in continuous play when all others are in freeze frame, in our small universe…whenever we missed each other to much…and just as easy you can push back the button to your previous life…no side effects…would you be able to push it back?
I’m just a rabbit in your headlights…

Like Spinning Plates...

2008-03-04T13:34:00.003+02:00

While you make pretty speeches,
I'm being cut to shreds.
You feed me to the lions,
a delicate balance

When this just feels like spinning plates.
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land.
And this just feels like spinning plates
Our bodies floating down the muddy river...

S.T.F.U.! (blah,bla,blah…)

2008-02-29T11:43:00.001+02:00

Gibberish …speaking in tongues, what the fuck am I saying? Who’s listening? Do any of you understand? Do I?...
Blah, bla, blah, bla, blah, bla, blah blah, blah, blah…mixed up, mixed up…why this urges of crystal clear even for the most redundant actions?

Why do I have to know everything…anything…why do I have to be sure o every fucking action…why the fear of not controlling reaction?...
Why so paranoid? Why asking stupid question about natural feelings, why do I try to find sense and reason when all I’ve got to do is sit back and let the rest unfold?...

Gibberish, gibberish…my fucking head explodes…nonsense, sense…one way…no turning…dead end…I’m so fucking retarded…bla, bla, bla, bla, blah…SHUT THE FUCK UP…to much talking, to much thinking...

Ne vedem la Shuie in seara asta?

Ce bine ca esti...

2008-02-27T10:40:00.000+02:00

E o întâmplare a fiinţei mele
şi atunci fericirea dinlăuntrul meu
e mai puternică decât mine, decât oasele mele,
pe care mi le scrâşneşti într-o îmbrăţişare
mereu dureroasă, minunată mereu.

Să stăm de vorbă, să vorbim, să spunem cuvinte
lungi, sticloase, ca nişte dălţi ce despart
fluviul rece în delta fierbinte,
ziua de noapte, bazaltul de bazalt.

Du-mă, fericire, în sus, şi izbeşte-mi
tâmpla de stele, până când
lumea mea prelungă şi în nesfârşirese
face coloană sau altceva
mult mai înalt şi mult mai curând.

Ce bine că eşti, ce mirare că sunt!
Două cântece diferite, lovindu-se amestecându-se,
douâ culori ce nu s-au văzut niciodată,
una foarte de jos, întoarsă spre pământ,
una foarte de sus, aproape ruptă
în înfrigurata, neasemuită luptă
a minunii că eşti, a-ntâmplării că sunt.

Nichita Stanescu

Multumesc...

“Un Mic”…(intelesuri)

2008-02-24T15:33:00.000+02:00

Cateodata tot ce ne leaga sunt niste cuvinte, manuite bine pot creea propozitii, propozitii ce-si dezvaluie intelesurile in fraze…fraze carora li se aplica campuri semantice si amprente semiotice…cateodata aceste cuvinte sunt ceea ce ne separa…alte limbi vorbite si/sau scrise pe care avem senzatia ca nu le putem patrunde…
Dincolo de cuvinte suntem noi...banali de cele mai multe ori...cu firea noastra indiferenta...ipocrita! Suntem vidati de ce e esential in cautarea noastra solitara pentru absolut...in cautarea asta calcam tot in picioare, ne victimizam si asteptam ca universul sa conspire la visurile noastre...
In spatele cuvintelor neintelese ramane doar ce simtim...suntem doar noi cu inchipuitele noastre probleme ce ajuta la eliberarea diversilor hormoni de care am devenit dependenti...
Uneori nu ne-ntelegem nici cand simtim acelasi lucru...pentru ca fiecare se crede unic in momentele alea de abandon total al EU-ului...singurul scop e tocmai ruperea de tot ce-i in jurul tau...deci cum am putea sa ne-ntelegem doar pentru ca vorbim aceeasi limba?
:)

Luke Chueh

2008-02-22T13:31:00.001+02:00

GUTS FOR GLORY (click to enlarge)

DISINTEGRATION

ANOTHER USELESS GIFT

HONEY BEAR INSPIRATION

SHADOWPLAY

ALCHEMIST

THE QUEEN IS DEAD

http://www.lukechueh.com/

Miss R. (my shot of amnesia…)

2008-02-20T11:39:00.000+02:00

I dreamed of a little miss called R. ...

I love…the way you never seem to shut up…that child-like energy makes me smile…makes me forget…the best part is when I get the chance to shut you up…when you give me the chance to flow freely in your universe…hand in hand we number the stars and from our common ground we point to each others worlds (let’s sail to the moon)…just for a second there…then any memory of our separate worlds quickly fades away…and we forget…everything seize to exist in that hour-like minute when our lips lock in that hypnotic kiss…when your shaky hands seek my unshaved beard and my sun burned lips…epileptic shakes…from the weird position I’m sitting in…or maybe from the cold water I washed my hands with earlier…or maybe…
Everything seems to last longer in our parallel universe…time loses sense and watches randomly display numbers…the voices from our heads finally disappear…tranquility…
At one time I compared you with a Blaga poem…you always make me want more…I never seem to get tired of reading you over and over again...every time I find something new…new stars, new planets, new suns…and I can’t help but letting myself trapped by this sweet amnesia…your chocolate soft skin, your big eyes and big full lips smile…your smile…did you knew you can make the sun jealous with the warm light your smile showers me?!...
And I love the fact that you never take a compliment…

When would you make me dream again little miss R.?!

Happy pill (chatterbox)…

2008-02-14T15:15:00.000+02:00

It’s been so long…so long ago it seems like yesterday…your naive childish play…your big full lips smile…that electric shock and 360 degree turn when you climbed that mountain of people and somehow in the dark you found me…and kissed me…your stupid smile afterwards...your short boyish haircut which I loved to pet and make fun of…your big surprised eyes as you looked up at me after the words “I love you” slipped next to your left ear…the way you scared let go of my grip and start running…
So many years have long past since…I’ve stopped chasing…after miles of running you stopped…looked back over your shoulder to see if you managed to put enough distance between us and turned around…but now you’re all grown up…yet the same childish smile still hangs in the corner of your lips…we had wars and peace treaties only to become one of the few good things that ever happened to me…now your cold hand (bad circulation issues as usual),your short hugs (suffocation issues as usual),and hard headed stubbornness (as usual) are some of the few things that keep me sane, now we’re part of each others distorted universe (not necessarily the clear view-as usual), I love you happy pill, there’ll never be a gap between us sweet and old friend (just slight moments of paranoia-as usual)!

Thank you…

WHO AM I? (Rule over your troublesome imagination)…

2008-02-12T21:57:00.000+02:00

Voided of anything that normally would suggest life or all other normal behavior… I’m at peace…or maybe ignorance is bliss, I’ve yet to figure it out…
I just don’t feel…no revolt, no disappointment…betrayal or any other paranoid feelings nor do I feel happy, joyful, or anything that usually would be regarded as positive…I’m floating in a sea of nothingness, just me and my fucking G.O.D. hand in hand doing nothing, feeling nothing, thinking nothing…brain dead on a bench somewhere at the crossroads of two parallel universes …Her almighty greatness gets philosophical on my ass - as usual - and I - as usual - put Her to whisper in my GOoD ear about that incestuous tale of Adam and Eve’s descendents and how we grew in number as a result…the fact that we’re all brothers always lullabies me to sleep (and dudette don’t make start about that rib thing…I mean girl, wtf wore you thinking?!)…
I don’t know, I guess I just wait for things to happen to me, everyday it’s exactly the same, but when they are happening I feel mentally paralyzed to act…in any way…I just stare zombiefied at the events that unfold in front of me and…do nothing…cause I don’t no what should I do…I don’t feel nor good or bad about that certain event hence I cannot make a decision based on ration or feelings…. It’s just a relaxing feeling of absolute void…like I’m absorbed by the vampiric fangs of heroin and I’m just …mesmerized by this endless state of nothing…
Who am I, as a whole? Do any of you know? I sure don’t…sometimes I find it hard to remember faces…fit them next to feelings or previous experiences…
What the fuck is this, ignorance, schizophrenia, paranoia? Or I’m just depressed? Even so I should’ve felt something, anything…something’s got to feel funny or outrageous, up or down, left or right, I need something to be depressed about, right?...

So who am I? Well...I am that which I feel...nothing!
Ehhh…fuck it all, I’m gonna go light up another joint!

Imagination it’s my monastery and I’m it’s monk…KEATS

Wonderland...

2008-01-25T12:17:00.000+02:00

How far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?!...

Packt like sardines in a crushd tin box…

2008-01-23T11:16:00.000+02:00

Claustrophobic, panic attacks, dominos in pretty patterns…gently run pass them …don’t trip, keep running…keep running…towards you (away from you)…never look back…wish away your nightmare…
I’m for spare parts, broken up…skip divided…so many lies, so many lies, so many lies…a squiggling worm inside…no chance of escape…put it in neutral…pull the handbrake…
Look deep inside me…can you see my reflection in the shattered glass pieces you left inside? The inner–empty me…epileptic shakes…catch the mouse…put it in the pot…
I never really got there, I just pretended that I had…broken branches…it’s not there…just cause you feel it…doesn’t mean it`s there…strangled, beaten up I wrote it down in neat…can you see me when I’m running?

This will be the end of you...SWEET MORPHINE, there`s NO CHANCE OF ESCAPE !

You never said “words” to me…

Stop Remembering (erasing)…

2008-01-17T10:27:00.000+02:00

Erasing regrets, imaginary scenarios, memories of having good times talking about old age…erasing feelings…images, places…
Erasing promises of never-ending friendships…erasing unfulfilled loves, unfulfilled dreams, everlasting nightmares (same old nightmares in reruns each night…not even scary anymore)!
Erasing multiple personalities (flipside?)…I’ll laugh until my head comes off!
Erasing (charity) smiles, frowning faces. Stop remembering kisses, accidental touches…erasing your sweet cat grin (like roadkill)…erasing YOU!

I cough a new disease, homesick (sick of home)…sit back again and press play like nothing has happened…we hope your rules and wisdom choke you!
Just straw dogs to scare the scarecrows…

Lost Child...(colors)

2008-01-11T13:40:00.000+02:00

Surreal dreams unfolding in front of my eyes, decomposed images try to fit decomposed feelings…misfit shapes…rough edges…unusual color schematics…diffuse light…a crayon like a director’s wand setting a fragile contour…downward spiral…wax bluish hues…melting orange-dark horizon…purple velvet leafs fall fluid on the bloody red earth…butterflies with screaming thoughts hurt my ear…a delicate balance…G.O.D.(giving only dreams)…nude succubus with pink lipstick…torn wing tip, black eyed…transparent walls…climbing, dead trees with violet roots dissolving, deformed faces stare…put the eyes in the cupboard, black cats turning white…feed me to the lions, cold hands with icy fingers counting my gray hairs…
January brings April showers…please rain yellow and turn my bloody-red earth, into green once more…come inside this wasteland…RELEASE ME !

Backdrifts (ecce homo)…

2008-01-09T12:08:00.000+02:00

Lights off…narrow trail in front of you…stay on the middle…don’t strain from the path others have walked before you (keep sanity)…why complicate the natural way of things? Don’t put up a fight (take off the gloves)…watch, listen and observe, don’t get involved…die silently without disturbing others (no screams from pain allowed), do not cry out for help, don’t reach out for others…do not draw attention on self, stay in line at supermarket (hunt that 10 % discount), use double bags (don’t spill goodies), wash hands before dinner (no later than 19:30), don’t make abuses, don’t do (to much) drugs, learn how to properly knot a tie, work consciously from 9 to 5 (no cigarette breaks), no sick leaves without being sick (no drinking sessions in a working night), always cross on green light (look both ways), always dream during sleep (R.E.M), no day dreaming allowed (unfunded happiness), always pay taxes, always smile on photos (proper haircut), always be polite when other people bump into you (apologize),wave the neighbors (no middle finger allowed), have three apples per day, don’t raise voice (inhale), do seek approval (whatever the cost), always check door (lock three times), CHEER AT THE GALLOWS…

Fitter Happier...

2008-01-08T11:09:00.000+02:00

Fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week) getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries, at ease, eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats), a patient better driver, a safer car (baby smiling in back seat), sleeping well (no bad dreams), no paranoia, careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole), keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then), will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall), favors for favors, fond but not in love, charity standing orders, on Sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants), car wash (also on Sundays), no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish - at a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape, now self-employed, concerned (but powerless), an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism), will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat), a good memory, still cries at a good film, still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick, that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness), calm, fitter, healthier and more productive A PIG IN A CAGE ON ANTIBIOTICS.

(Radiohead)

Machine failure...

2007-12-28T20:15:00.000+02:00

THIS PROGRAM IS NOT RESPONDING...
END NOW?

X will mark the place (an ALTER EGO`s -unwillingly- suicide note)…

2007-12-28T09:44:00.000+02:00

Who am I? Whose body is this that I’m in...? Where is he taking me? Who are this people surrounding me? How did I end up here?
Why do I feel like home only when I close my eyes and I see you on the back of my eyelids (multiple colors explode in my head)? How come I’m so confused when I open them once more? (panicked by the surroundings I lose myself in front of a window trying to seek a reflection that would tell me who I am…what form have I taken once more)…
And they…who are they? Who is this person which I’m waking next to each morning? I look at her as she speaks…I see her lips moving but no sounds come out…what is she trying to say?...
Who is this person that’s coming arms up and tries to hug me?
“Hello old fiend”…she says as she approaches me (so close that I can see the shape of my surprised face in the reflection of her eyes)…
Mesmerized…once more I get up, get dressed, drink my coffee, light up a cigarette (is this my routine or his?), look around and try to fit the pieces…I take a look in the mirror…who is this fat ass? What does he like? Should I wear that color or it’ll be too obvious to the people who know him? (But it’s his, right? He’s got to like it! But what if it’s a gift and never wears it?) How long until they all figure me out…how long until they turn their backs on me…how do I get out of this body? Or…is it possible that I’m trapped here?...
Still…I can’t keep closing my eyes desperately seeking your smell…I used to love your natural perfume stuck in the fabrics on my clothes…my sheets…my skin…your sweet cat grin when I used to rearrange a strain hair which covered that part of your lips I intended to kiss (your perfect half closed eyes smile…)…your tiny hands locked in mine (like an unbreakable cipher)…your worm breath as I lean towards the back of your neck and inhale every ray of light that showers you …the way (shaking) I used to trap small parts of your skin beneath my lips…the way you used to let my hand slide gently on your back…
What divine or devilish force it’s mocking me to the point of insanity? Who did this to me?Why did he took me away from you, why did I end up in this parallel universe just to see you dull and unaware of my being…right next to you (I wave my hand in front of your cold stare…you can’t see me…you can’t see the real me…) and yet we can feel each other so close with each accidental touch…X will mark the place…where you left me alone…do you know who I AM anym…(the alarm clock takes off!)Shhhhhhhhht…that fat fuck is waking up!!!!

Malfunction (mechanical paranoia)…

2007-12-24T11:21:00.000+02:00

Thin ice…let us drown…shelter…no idea (demented)…cut us to shreds (voided)…seeking absolution…seeking to end time…open your skull…pick our mind… (gibberish)…second place…(you are first)…karma (bad)…why do we feel so complete?! Why do our lives look like mistakes (1+1=2?)? Why do we feel you so absorbed with each other…so normal when our hands lock? Apart…time stands still…wormholes…loopholes (perfect circles bring us together)…
Nightmares…moth open in painful screams…no sounds come out…sheets pulled…clenched beneath our fingers…sleep paralysis…
We are…emptied (switch for rechargeable batteries)…lost (buy a map)…confused (start a fight)…tied (release me!)…disgust (ability to laugh at GOD…SHE’s laughing harder…impotence)…
We are ONE, you are we…who are we? Why are we here? What is this world (trapped in this parallel universe)?
This is not us…we don’t belong here…it can’t be…we were happy…there…with you…who are u here…who are we here?

Dissolve US (BLUE fragments of insanity…)

2007-12-22T21:06:00.001+02:00

SMILE… a pear of lips that covers our wounds…SHARPEN stones into pretty patters cut us to shreds…will you still smile for us for years to come? Will we still lean our foreheads (full of DREAMS) on them (dopamine)? Will you still take our worm fevered faces into your cold palms (serotonin)...? Will you still be there SWEET MORPHINE ? Will we still abandon our veins to your embrace? Smile…did you know that we can read the whole UNIVERSE on the shape of your face (tiny face muscles working to create NIRVANA…).
Will you still be there when FRANTIC in your skin we will dive our nose to inhale every last part of you, will we still smell your milky breath? Will you still take small parts of us each time you leave…and bring them back multiplied when you turn around gently and smile…just as you disappear behind the corner (OVERDOSE) ?
SMILE…we ARE when you do…we LIVE when you run smoothly trough our veins, so FRAIL your sweet caress crush us into your paradise…will you still be here for years to come and still use the KEY to our little DARK ROOM to sneak but never enter?
We will still COUNT insanely the minutes and seconds that forms them until you take out the NEEDLE and leave us broken like an UNSOLVED puzzle?
Will you still be there SWEET MORPHINE when we run our trembling fingers on the SERINGE and gently guide us to our ESCAPE ?

How to roll a joint...

2007-12-22T13:11:00.000+02:00

Most people reading this will be well practiced the art of rolling a decent, smokeable joint. However, for those with more thumbs than fingers and a zero rating on the Kudos scale, here are few basic tips

The mix is perhaps the most important part of the joint. Make sure the consistency is even and break-up or remove any lumps or 'woody' bits.

The shape of the finished joint is decided by how you distribute the mix over the papers. Many of the numbers here are cone-shape. Cones tend to smoke more smoothly than straight joints, but are slightly harder to roll. (fig.1)

Putting the roach in before rolling is recommended and saves time and hassle. You're also more likely to get a perfect fit. (fig.2)

Now for the 'tricky' bit. Pick everything up and start in the middle, rolling outwards. Let your thumbs do most of the work and give support and pressure with your forefingers. You should start to feel the mix firming inside the paper. (fig.3)

When you have an even consistency tuck down the facing paper edge with tips of your thumbs, wrap the excess paper around the joint, wet the and seal that baby! (fig.4)

The best joints are firm but so tight you have to bust a lung drawing smoke. Loose joints taste rough, burn too fast and have a nasty habit of setting light to clothing and furniture. (fig.5)

For further info visit Weed Farmer

(Pt. prietenul meu "aiurea" care spune ca blog-ul asta "e prea complicat", there u go stupid retard, enjoy the info :)) )

Elephants (slipping on little white lies)…

2007-12-19T10:17:00.000+02:00

Knives out…tip toe around us with that stupid grin…hypocrite…opportunist, we should hang you by the noose…
Everything in it`s right place…right place (iMage of a lOst child smiling in a swing…), tranqUility…Shelter (mE)…
Blind…see trough walls in a one way street…kiss…swallow…spinning plates…pretty speeches…alarm bells ringing…(don`t forget to feed the lions on your way out...).
Rotten fruits…sour-sweet stench…malfunction…frantic…loopholes…what happened? It`s this soft as your pillow?...
Blink your eyes, one for yes, two for no…comatose…pearly gates (eyebrow raised as a question mark!)…shht…quiet down…a whisper in my head is struggling to stay asleep…
Chew the fat…sitting ducks…little babies eyes…open your mouth, we just want your light (why the purple face? are you choking?)…to almost allow our fingers to stroke…gently…seek solace sanctuary (bunker)…
We can wipe you out anytime…deranged (arrange us…)…the pick in the ice, bruises…electric veins under our skins…we can still smell your milky breath (still shaking)…

BLACK (almost candy apple green)...

2007-12-17T12:55:00.000+02:00

…walls collapsing towards your heavy breathing, narrow streets in pitch dark…square shapes flank you, suffocates you, smell the wet concrete…follow the black cat, it`s good fortune…no remorse whatsoever…and the walls bend…this time i`m going trough…let down…I hear your snide remarks in the back of my skull…poison…I can make you disappear completely…schizophrenia…voiceless but always heard…like a bomb…calm…ideas…harvesting mindfields…so close the oasis…so far the water… ATTENTION !!! ...to details…not contrived…we can see you…CAN YOU SEE US ?!! ...

Pull/Pulk Revolving Doors...

2007-12-16T16:39:00.000+02:00

There are barn doors
And there are revolving doors
Doors in the rudders of big ships
And there are revolving doors
There are doors that open by themselves
There are sliding doors
And there are secret doors
There are doors that lock
And doors that don't
There are doors that let you in and out
But never open
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from...